When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
