12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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