At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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