Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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