I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
