I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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