its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
