should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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