I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
