doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
