did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
