It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
