Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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