ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize