just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
