hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
