How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
