She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
