The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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