I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
