i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
