i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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