I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
