i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
