You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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