I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
