Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
