I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
