Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
