I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
