so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
