dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
