Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
