I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
