my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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