In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
