fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
