Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
