True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
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