You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
