What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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