Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
