he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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