i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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