my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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