If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's the barista slut.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
