That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
