it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
