Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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