but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
