i already hear my dad disowning me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
