I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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