Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize