I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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