We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
