This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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