so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
