so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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