i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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