Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
