I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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