suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
