he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
