please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
