I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
