So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She announced her abortion via fbk
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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