If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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