They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were trust falling into bushes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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