oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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